Well just as I get myself in a more happier optimistic place, life comes and throws one of them curves balls that are intentionally meant for knocking moi on my arse (not my first time either I'll have you know) I stopped counting a long time ago but I'm sure it's well into the double figures by now. Just found out my step dad has 4 months left to live, if that.

Now for a girl that was once the life and soul of her general well being, always seeing the positives, looking on the brightside of life and always a supportive friend. Trying to pull myself out of this jaded frame of mind of late is proving more difficult than first thought but all is not lost. Given this recent news it's made me more determined than ever to appreciate life and what I have. All grudges or grievances I have with cetain folk are washed away, they're irrelevant now given the grand scheme of things and it's only when the loss of a family member looms does it invariably make you realise what's important in life.

Also I'm genno be more insistant of being there for my mum as she's decided to go into self-defence mode and not let anyone get too close (it's like looking in mirror) Now for years I have always protested I am nothing like my mother but given my recent behaviour; denial, self pity and pretty much avoidance of the whole situation just proves I truely am cut from the same cloth and to be honest I don't know if that is a good or bad thing.

It just feels unfair that someone can go through so much and experience so many losses you'd think nearing the end of their life they'd get somesort of a reprieve but it never works out that way eh? It's sad my mum and step dad were child hood sweethearts and only after 2 failed marriages the death of 2 sons and 2 husbands do they finally get it together only to be parted again (God it sounds like a tag line taken from a Danielle Steele Novel)

As I sit here and type a partiular song that reminds me of my Dad has come on the radio, maybe it's wishful thinking but maybe it's his way of letting me know I'm genno be fine.