I had this over whelming urge to watch 'Santa Claus The Movie' last night, (for reasons I can't fathom) which led me to thinking about our family Christmas's.

How we had the best-decorated house in the street and the Christmas tree was your piste de resistance. How I long to be 8 years old again on Christmas Eve getting ready for bed, excited Santa was coming (it wasn't until I was 10 years old did I realise the guy in the 'fat suit' was you) leaving the traditional mince pie and a glass of milk. Only when Santa started asking for a can of 'beer' instead of milk, I knew then it was you but I pretended I still believed because it was nice if only for a little while to escape into a land of make believe.

Don't get me wrong there were a lot of bad memories I remember about you but after a while, not so much and that can only be a good thing right? When is it we forget about the bad stuff and romanticise the good memories we have of our passed relatives?

I mean my friends are so lucky to still have their dad's around, they still get to fight and argue with them which I never got to do with you and not to sound detrimental but I don't think they will realise that until they are gone.

For all your shit Dad I miss your terribly and I never realised how much until recently because for a really long time I felt nothing about your passing. I was too busy being angry with you for leaving my brother and I without a father but as time has gone by and I've had a child of my own it's opened up a Pandora's box let me tell you. I get so emotional about anything and everything, which is ironic considering I was brought up in a family who believed emotions were a sign of weakness.

Well all I seem to do lately is dwell on the past; you and what life would be like if you were here still. I so wish you could've met my son, he's a right character and for what it's worth I think, no I know you would have made a great Granddad. Thinking of you always x